RealHR Nightmare #5 – The Parole
Oh…I can tell you about my parole. So I had this employee who was a parole, and he was not the nicest kind of a guy. The ladies in the plant were complaining about comments he was making, racial and sexual. He was a skinhead.
As I sat him down to go over the company’s harassment policy, he got agitated and came up out of his chair and tried to come over the desk at me.
I don’t know how I had the moxy to do this but I planted both hands on the desk and went nose to nose with him. I said, “If you don’t sit down, I will call your parole officer and have him remove you from our property.”
To my amazement he sat down and very respectfully listened to the policy. He was pretty good after that…but eventually, lost his job with us. It was pretty scary at the time because my office was so far back in the building – no one would have heard any altercation. Guess I had a guardian angel that day.
Many of the others I have examples of are too inappropriate for publication.
RealHR Nightmare #6 – The Three Musketeers
I was visiting a location working out of a directors office. He was standing by the window talking on the phone and when he ended the call he asked me to quickly join him and look towards the bushes across the parking lot.
There, in the distance, I saw little puffs of smoke. A moment later a head popped up, looked around, then the head ducked back down and let out a few more puff’s of smoke. We watched until the smoke went away, saw three people crawl out, and they stumbled and giggled their way into our building.
As they walked down the hallway towards the warehouse, we asked them to join us in our office. We questioned them about their eyes, their slurred speech, their smell, and all the smoke we saw, but they said it was nothing so we asked them to go with us to a drug testing company. They originally declined and we said it was mandatory as their positions were in safety sensitive roles.
One asked if he could quit. We said OK, so he wrote out a quick resignation letter and left the building. The other two followed shortly after.
RealHR Nightmare #7 – Pills, Pills, Pills
I was working on the 5th floor of an office building when I noticed a ton of cops converging in on our parking lot – so of course I stood and watched and was joined by coworkers. Then one said “I know that guy! He works for us!”
A moment later, police were in our suite going through his belongings. They pulled out pills from his desk drawer which we later found out he was selling in the parking lot throughout the day.
RealHR Nightmare #8 – The Boo Boo Bandit – Thelá Thatch, MBA, PHR, SHRM-CP
“Hurry, hurry you won’t believe this!” exclaimed a frantic employee as she rushed into our human resources department. She was flailing her arms, making faces and covering her nose. Of course, the entire HR team jumped up to follow her as she took us into the Ladies’ bathroom.
As we entered we could see that dead-center in the middle of the floor was a pile of fresh feces. It was apparent that someone positioned their bottom in the middle of the bathroom floor, squatted, and took a dump releasing the contents of their bowels on the floor instead of in the toilet!
Over the next few months, this would happen periodically and randomly at different times, discovered by different people either from a ghastly smell that greeted them with they opened the bathroom door or when they stepped in something reeking and rancid as they were haphazardly rushing to go to the bathroom.
Our HR team spent hours trying to find the bandit. We set up a watch around the clock by the bathroom doors during various hours. We reviewed the time cards and in’s and out’s of all employees that were in the building around the time the incident occurred. We had a few theories but none of them ever led to finding the culprit. Eventually, the occurrences of poop on the floor diminished.
Months later, I left that company to move on to another opportunity. I often talk to employees who were affected by the Bandit and they tell me that the perpetrator has never been caught. They now warn others to beware of the Bandit each time they enter the bathroom.
To my surprise and fear, rumors of the Boo Boo Bandit started to surface at my new company located across the country. I am still haunted by the experience and now I diligently sniff and deliberately check the middle of the floor during every bathroom visit to make sure I do not become a victim of the Boo Boo Bandit! Boo & have a scary HR Halloween!!